in the early years of our love affair
when I used to roll my eyes & sigh
every time she changed that to this
or
moved there to here.
I,
stir crazy with desire for
the way it was going to be
to arrive already
ran my eyes over the magic
of transformation
with disdain.
She,
vision drenched with understanding
of where it was we were going
carried on as if my
impatience
was the behaviour that needed reprimanding
rather than her ceaseless push for change.
weekends left us
craigslisted out
new couches,
pottery,
floor plans
&
plants.
I,
resigned, began to find humour in our lives
not knowing how much of her was creeping in
She,
relentless, continued on
never satisfied with where we were
because always we could shift.
today,
in the years after the divorce
when it hurts too deep to say how much I miss her
I survey my dining room
move tables this way and that
change place settings,
re-do what I did last week
it’s as if
by finally acknowledging the value
in the way she moves space in this world
I can keep the piece of me that is her
alive in our parallel lives
I stand in the front drive
of a craigslister’s house
new server station in the car
nestled next to
superstore purchases
and a last minute liquor order.
already dreaming
of how it is
that the new furniture will change the landscape of what is
one step closer to what will be
It is all this she gave me
this
&
so much more.
The Littlest Bit 